Bourbon Beach Eco Friendly Boutique Hotel
At Negril’s Bourbon Beach Eco friendly boutique resort we truly care about the environment and you, our customer.
From the moment you set foot in our eco friendly boutique hotel you will notice one thing right away. We have no front desk! Our design firm and architects both felt that destroying the environment in order to build a front desk was un-necessary. Instead each guest is greeted, solemnly, by our-eco conscience staff who have a chair in the hallway.
After check-in guests proceed to the eco friendly elevator and retire to their rooms. Our custom-made eco elevator was designed specially for our resort by a well known U.S. Engineering firm. We are happy to say that only one guest has ever gotten stuck while ascending to the second floor.
Upon entering your room you will be delighted to see that we did not harmed the environment when furnishing your “home away from home”. Each room was designed in “extreme” minimalistic Northern European fashion. Our German designer, Frau Busten Halter has furnished rooms around the world with the attitude that less is definitely more. Because of this, although each room is not big, in square feet, it feels much bigger. Each of our rooms have two double beds, cable TV, and an ensuite washroom
Cleaning rooms, and doing laundry is a necessity in the hospitality industry, but we ask each guest to care about the environment. If you do not need your towels cleaned today, please hang them up! If you place them on the floor, remember that our staff have been professionally trained to hang them up for you.
Our maids arrive to work early each day to begin their tasks of expertly cleaning each of our of our rooms. In order to leave as small a carbon foot-print as possible our “Swiss trained” maids move as slowly as possible, thereby reducing the carbon gasses emitted from their bodies.
If you have any questions or special needs please feel free to ask your special maid. All of our maids are named Mary. This way we have helped the environment by only needing one name tag. Please remember, though, that on any day that ends in a “y” our maids have taken a vow not to speak in order to reduce their carbon footprint to the absolute bare minimum.
As you enjoy you stay with us we ask for your understanding. Occasionally you may notice that the power or water went off. (Of course if you never notice this, it never happened. You know. . .tree falling in the woods and so on) Utility outages do happen from time to time as a result of issues at the utility company, or most often, because we forgot to pay the bill. Once our “crack” engineering team finishes watching TV and figures out the issue, service will most likely be restored. But remember, during the outage carbon emission’s are greatly reduced.
We came up with a great motto for the Bourbon Beach Eco Friendly Boutique Hotel. It was simple and to the point.
“You ain’t staying at the Ritz-Carlton baby”
But unfortunately some fascist multinational American Corporation run by people who don’t care about the environment took offense to this and sent their attack dog lawyers after us. As a result we are unable to use the motto. (please disregard the fact that we printed it above)
Oh well! We will come up with a new Motto soon. Perhaps a competition is in order!
“Nap for Humanity Foundation”
The Bourbon Beach Eco Friendly Boutique Hotel supports Nap for Humanity, a worldwide organization tasked with reducing carbon emissions by having its’ members take an extra nap, from time to time. In conjunction with this organization we ask that each guest sleep an extra hour each day, thus reducing each individuals carbon output. We then ask that you sign an affidavit prior to your departure stating the number of extra hours that you slept. With this we will calculate the carbon savings from our guests and then sell carbon offset credits on the London exchange. Who knows! If people sleep enough, while at our resort, the next time you come the rooms may be free!